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Writing Exercise

The following is written in response to Lerdo's Writing Excercise of the day, which can be found here : 

He felt as though he were an hourglass that had been shattered.  All the velvet grains of sand were leaking out of him, pouring onto her floor.  So this was how it felt to be emptied.  You can never gather all of them and put them back, even if the hourglass were miraculously repaired.  Sand was like that; once escaped from its prison of glass it all would never be put back in.  So that was his lot now, the proverbial Humpty Dumpty.   She had found another, so it seemed.  Although 'finding another' would imply she had ever actually found him.  Right there in front of each other this whole time, blind fool he was.  'I've met someone.  No you don't know him.  He makes me happy.  Aren't you happy for me?  I thought you were my friend."  Words that shattered the glass, velvet grains of sand pouring out onto her floor. 


( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
Jan. 31st, 2008 08:47 pm (UTC)
This is just practice, so it doesn't matter if I like it or not. Still, I do. I can feel his sadness and disappointment.

Very nice idea--setting him up as an hourglass shattered by her revelation.

Although 'finding another' would imply she had ever actually found him.

Very perceptive.

I'm glad you tried the exercise; thanks for letting me know you did. :)
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )